Things that will help #2

  1. PRIDE

    It is PRIDE month! I am embarrassed and floored at the recent ignorant and unbelievable musings of some straight people wondering why there is not a straight pride parade/month/day. The reason PRIDE month needed to be designated in the first place is because people needed to carve out a space to feel human, accepted, loved and celebrated. They came up with PRIDE because they were and STILL ARE being chastised, alienated, tormented, bullied and murdered for BEING THEMSELVES and loving who they love. When you exist in the full time privilege of being able to walk down the street as a straight person who can love openly without even a thought, you don’t need a month designated to celebrate that. You need to support, with the fullest heart and deepest listening you can muster, all other people who do not sit in that daily privilege. It is the least we can do. Happy PRIDE month!


    Get new socks. It helps. It feels like a wardrobe refresher, and sometimes even like a new life start. Spend time getting the good ones, and it will likely change your whole outlook. I always wear before washing, becasue once you wash, even once, they are never the same. Also, for as many new socks as you buy, throw out that many old ones. I am nicer to my family when my socks are on the newer side.


    One of the best things I have done for my life is to let go of “all or nothing” and just do some when I can. Today, I had a lot going on. I didn’t have time to fit in a whole yoga practice, but I really needed to stretch and breathe. I did ONE long, well aligned, present tense downward facing dog. I breathed deeply and soaked in the reverence I have for my body and my process, and that was it. One dog. It needed to be enough, and my day was better because I took time to do it. Afterwards, I didn’t beat myself up for not having the time to do a long practice, and that was a conscious decision.


    My childhood friend Courtney came to visit me a few years back and taught me the how to make the best homemade granola EVER. It makes my whole house smell like heaven, and my family loves it. It is grain free and perfect alone, with milk, or any kind of fruit served on top. I have even been known to put it on top of ice cream for a treat. This perfect granola tastes so different from the store bought kind that is often loaded with sugars and additives. I put the full recipe on the wellness page on this website. Check it out!


    How is that going? Meditation. You know it is “good” for you, but it is so hard to carve the time out. It is so often the last thing we “do” once we have “done” everything else on the list. Try starting with meditation, before anything else gets done. I cannot say enough about the luminous benefits that come from regular meditation. Make the time. You don’t need a book or a fancy course about it. You need to prioritize sitting down and slowing down your breath so you can clean out the cobwebs and make space for light, creative wealth, and enough-ness. Today is a good place to begin.


    I don’t remember who told me about this first, but it may have been a therapist. One of the greatest tools I have been given to communicate well in relationships is the phrase “the story I’m telling myself is……” If I am feeling hurt by my husband, a friend, a colleague, or someone else, I try to lead with that phrase, followed by my feelings or assumptions. It has been a huge way to take responsibility of my own drama and feelings, while coming to the table without any knives showing. The person sitting across from me often is less defensive as a result, and we skip the posturing and right fighting. It allows a little air and light to get in, and for that person to extinguish an assumption I have made that might be wrong. It helps.


    One of my greatest fears when becoming a mom was that it would be years until I could read a real book again. I was finding weeks turning into months that I did not have time to read. I wanted to change the pattern. After Otis’s bath, for the thirty minutes before bedtime, Matt and I started something new.  We call it quiet time, and all toys are put away. Everyone goes into the family room and if it’s winter outside we put on a fire. We each pull out a book and nestle in. Actually, Otis pulls out at least 20 books from his cabinet, because sorting and stacking is crucial in his process. But somehow, he’s bought into it, and with just that thirty minutes I am feeling more myself. We have to teach children but we also have to teach ourselves to connect to the things that matter even in the rush of the day. I hope it sticks at 6 and at 16, and is something he passes down. Super simple, non-negotiable, quiet time at the same time. Let your people see you practice what you love. It is better than anything you could describe to them. It helps everyone.