This is a story about breadcrumbs and love. It actually applies to everyone, because whether you are in love now or looking for love, you are watching your life and looking to see where you can become a better listener. (I hope). Recent conversations with people I love about love inspired me to write about this, because I think following breadcrumbs has become an epidemic. And, I too, used to have a diet of breadcrumbs.

DEFINITION of BREADCRUMBS: those tiny morsels left behind by someone you want, love, and see as partnership material. They are not enough food, but rather pretend ways of stringing your heart along and making you think that someday it might be enough to make a whole life. Sigh. They come in the form of texts, tiny emails, a date every now and then, and group outings as a general and pretend gesture of a date.

The problem is, in the connect the dots, or breadcrumbs…….YOU are usually happy to fill in the rest of the story to make it seem full and headed somewhere.   You, in fact, become a MASTER at manipulating the story to sound good in your head and therefore not alarming or unrealistic. Yet that little whisper in your head might begin to get a little louder as your friends lean in and suggest he or she might not be “enough” for you. Listen to the whispers before they become screams.

Someone wise once told me that you will never be able to hold onto the wrong one~ and you will never be able to get rid of the right one. Standing here ~ well fed on a balanced diet of self love, and the real life “Notebook” kind of love with my husband and not a breadcrumb in sight~ I can tell you that she is right. I also believe this philosophy to be true beyond the conversation of love and partnership. I believe that a career move or business transaction is only right if you don’t have to grasp and fight and gnash your teeth, but instead there should be an ease along with patient effort in order to land in the places we belong. And there are only certain people and places that belong to us. Start listening to the ones that are yours.

I am not discounting hard work, showing up for different perspectives and being willing to squeak the dresser through the doorway until it fits. Not everything is going to have lubricated sides the entire way through, but I do believe when you have to try too hard there is something not right about the transaction or the relationship.  Be honest, willing, transparent and generous~ but do not be a doormat.  Give it some space and watch to see if he/she/it  falls away.  Maybe it’s supposed to in order to make room for something better, or maybe it belonged to you all along.

I believe this work of catch and release is some of the deepest work we will do during our lifetime. Your tribe, your people, your person, your home and work~ they are coming and there will be no mistake and no guessing.   All you have to do is to be ready to receive.